Loose lips sink ships
by QualityRachni
Summary: Shepard struggles to reply to Kaidan's message after Horizon. How will an alcoholic drink or three improve her ability to let him know what's on her mind?


I'm breaking through a long term spell of writers block, so expect to see more shorts like this!

A huge thanks goes to Nadilee on livejournal for betaing this for me ^^

Disclaimer: I own nothing here, not even my Shepard, even she technically belongs to Bioware!

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><p><em>Dear Kaidan...<em>

No, that sounded like she still cared about him.

_Oh hey you utter fucktard!_

No...that still didn't sound right.

_Staff Commander Alenko;_

Too professional.

Lelia slumped in her chair, resting her head back against the back of the seat. Why was replying to Kaidan's "apology" so damn hard?

She still didn't know how she felt about it. Seeing him had been fantastic, yet there hadn't been that spark between them that had existed on the SR1. Then, what little they did have left was torn to shreds by the jerk-faced twat's accusations that she'd gone into hiding for two years, that she'd gone AWOL from the Alliance to join Cerberus.

So maybe she was a little bit bitter?

The cursor flashed like the old indicator signals in 20th century cars used to, the glaring orange giving her a headache. She was sick of the damn colour. It was everywhere on this ship; her uniforms had the orange Cerberus logos stitched into them; the text on every data pad was orange, the holograms of the Normandy in the CIC were orange. It made her wonder if TIM was of Dutch descent. The thought made her smile a little. Seeing him in clogs would be funny, she supposed.

Lelia made up her mind and closed the email client and rose from her chair. Out of sight, out of mind was the best way to go about this. She ran her hand through her hair, brushing the short brown strands out of her eyes and stretched before turning towards the door. There were more pressing matters at hand for her to tend to, and she had at least one member of her old team at her back; Garrus. A fond smile tugged at her lips as she remembered how easily he had accepted her resurrection; she could count on him to stand by her, no matter what Cerberus or the Collectors threw her way.

Several days later, she found herself in the med bay drinking brandy with doctor Chakwas, the pair seizing a chance to catch up and reminisce about the old days on the original Normandy, before life as they knew it had been turned upside down. The doctor retired to her quarters to sleep off the after-effects of the Serrice Ice brandy whilst Lelia stumbled her way back to her cabin.

Maybe it was the brandy working its way through her blood-stream that has loosened her lips and by extension; her fingertips as she finally sat at her terminal to compose her reply to Kaidan. A small giggle passed her lips as her fingers flew over the interface as she remembered something the doctor had said earlier;

_Kaidan,_

_There aren't really words I can say that will heal the hurt that my death and resurrection has caused you. What I can tell you though, is this:_

_I really did die. I got Joker to the shuttle just before that ship came back around for another attack. It fired at the hull, the blast threw me away from the pod door. All I was able to do was punch the release mechanism before the next blast sent me reeling from the Normandy. Everyone who could be saved had been saved; I'd done my duty as Commander. These were my last thoughts as I noticed the breach in my suit._

_I was __**spaced**__ Kaidan. I didn't go AWOL and join Cerberus for kicks. I didn't fake my own death and spend two years working for the Blue Suns, or any other insane rumour that's flying around the extranet. __**I DIED **__. Cerberus found me and spent the last two years, and god knows how many credits, rebuilding my body. Miranda won't let me see the pictures, but I was little more than "meat and tubes" when they bought me in... or at least, that's what Jacob told me, anyway._

_When I woke up, I was on an operating table; the lab was under attack. I had no idea where I was, or why I was there. My last clear memory was of the Normandy exploding as I was spaced. When I found out that it was Cerberus who had rebuilt me; I was pissed, Kaidan. Royally pissed. I asked about you - about all of you. They didn't know where you'd been posted. (__And maybe they didn't want to tell me, I don't even know.)__ So don't go thinking I didn't care._

_I don't agree with their methods or their views, Kaidan, but they've given me a ship, they've given me some of my friends and most of my old crew back and they're the only ones in the damn galaxy that are taking the __Collectors and the Reaper threat __seriously._

_I was genuinely happy to see you alive and well on Horizon, but the way you treated me was something of a wake up call and also a kick in the teeth._

_It really has been two years; you said it your self. Move on. Don't feel guilty, or like you're betraying me for doing so. You're a good friend, Kaidan, and hopefully, you'll be part of my team again some day._

_Lelia._

She hit send and pushed herself back from the console and stood up, stretching her arms. She was beginning to sober up now, tiredness was slowly taking over in the wake of the alcohol leaving her system. Her clothes were soon discarded in a heap on the coffee table and she crawled between the sheets, letting sleep claim her.

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><p>Reviews are welcome, but not required.<p> 


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